Blog - Cinema Paradouche-o (or How to Behave in the Movie Theater)

Cinema Paradouche-o (or How to Behave in the Movie Theater)

Cinema Paradouche-o (or How to Behave in the Movie Theater)

Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:18 pm

So Iíve been to the movies twice this week (to see IT and MOTHER!, both of which were excellent), but both occasions were marred by the behavior of other people in the theater. Now Iíve bitched about this before, but not often, because such instances werenít all that common. This no longer seems to be the case. Iím absolutely expecting some of you to defend disruptive behavior in movie theaters because, well, someone always does, and thatís pretty much where we are as a society now.
ďPeople should be allowed to check their phones during a movie.Ē
No, they really shouldnít. Thatís why thereís a giant notice to that effect on the screen before every movie. Iím not paying $20 to see a movie Iíve been looking forward to for an age just so I can be forced against my will to have my attention drawn to your phone because your bae wants to know where the bong is or because your child exploded in Target.

During IT, the woman sitting right next to me had some weird, blinding stroboscopic light on her phone that went off every ten minutes until she eventually left the theater an hour into the movie to take a call.
During MOTHER!, the woman (note, I didnít say teen, because she was at least in her forties) seated right in front of me spent the entire running time of the movie scrolling through Facebook. Which meant that while Iím looking at the movie screen, I have this glowing white oblong of light right underneath it.
Solution? If you absolutely have to be on your phone during a movie, turn the brightness down. Way, way down.

Back to IT: when the flash-phone lady wasnít guiding ships through the fog with her fucking Samsung, she was talking loudly with her boyfriend. Now, itís important to note that Iím not someone who complains often, and never in public. I donít even send my food back if they mess it up at a restaurant.

But this couple were so loud and so distracting, that I eventually asked themĖpolitelyĖto keep it down. And they did, but not without the boyfriend glaring at me for the rest of the movie as if Iíd asked him if his balls had a strobe light too.
During MOTHER! the women seated next to Facebook-phone lady decided to MST3K the movie about 30 mins in, right about the point they realized it wasnít a jump scare movie. When they werenít doing this, they were standing up and blocking the screen so that they could discuss what food everyone wanted from the concession stand.
And still, STILL there are people who defend this behavior, and as a result itís now a pleasant surprise when a movie ISNíT disrupted by some scuttlefart with a cell addiction.

Itís not about the variety of reasons you ABSOLUTELY OMG HAVE to have your cell phone with you (babysitters, relatives in need, 7 days since you watched that weird videotape in the cabin), rather it is, like so many of the issues affecting us today, about nothing more than common courtesy.
And we appear to be running low.
Turn off your phone, turn off your mouth, or stay at home. You have a wealth of entertainment options at your fingertips. There is no longer any excuse for you to ruin mine.
EDIT: A lot of you are suggesting weekday screenings as a way of avoiding this behavior. I saw IT at 2 p.m. on Wednesday, MOTHER! at 7 p.m. on Thursday.

(© Kealan Patrick Burke 2017)

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  • created from CarpetFibers in category Article ē 10.07.2018 16:18:00

    Last edited: Tue Jul 10, 2018 4:18 pm
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Comments
  • uuga
    Thu Jul 12, 2018 10:08 pm

    A-freakiní-men. You know, the more movies I see out at the local cineplex these days, the more I believe that there are far too many people who think theyíre actually at home rather than At The Movie Theater.

  • squirrelyMAPLE
    Thu Jul 12, 2018 1:12 am

    ""My sister did this at my sonís play. I was SO pissed. Really? You canít shut that""

    Really? You canít shut that sh*t off for an hour? I hate people so much. I rarely bother with the movie theater anymore for this very reason.

  • biyaonibakasan
    Tue Jul 10, 2018 9:44 pm

    I do prefer matinees myself or weekdays since they DO tend to be less crowded, but I see that didnít even help you.

  • Caboose4life
    Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:45 pm

    My sister did this at my sonís play. I was SO pissed. Really? You canít shut that



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